langkau fiction

Dear Badawi,

Thanks for leaving us this country in its shitty conditions and appointing an evil toad in the form of Najib as your replacement.

Thank you very much. How cipiet of you to do so.

Forever tiu-ed,

Langkau

Random snippet #1: Weekend sleepovers

It’s probably a new trend developing — that I’m not aware of — among my young cousins. Two weeks ago, a cousin of mine came over to spend the weekend at my place because he said he was bored at home. Although I told him my house isn’t that terribly exciting either, he said he doesn’t mind. As long as it’s different from his normal setting.

Last weekend, it was another cousin’s turn to do the sleepover because his mom was on night duty and his dad was out of town. Which means I had to care for his big appetite. He asked me as soon as we reached my place: “Do you have food at home? I’m hungry.” And this was between meals. I told him I only have eggs and vegetables but for him, that wouldn’t do. He’s 12 years old and apparently, he needs food to grow. So, I had to take him to the nearby KFC. That’s food and he’s happy.

And last night, another cousin said she wanted to get out of her normal habitat in Kuching and spend the weekend at my humble domicile. I told her she’s most welcome but I’m in the midst of performing rituals for my babiQ set. She said the ritual didn’t bother her. Uwen and Charlie Charles also joined the ritual and we finished 22 cans of Stella that they brought.

It’s always nice to have relatives and friends coming over to accompany me and my five shoe-eating creatures for the weekends. My niece lives with me under the same roof but we don’t see each other that often. That’s because she has odd working hours and I sometimes spend more time thinking about Stella or listening to the Tiger roaring at the local kedai kopi.

Random snippet #2: Sunday ride

At noon, Uwen and I decided to bike around Kuching. I agreed because I haven’t rode my bike for several months now and the idea of seeing Kuching from…er…a bicycle’s perspective is…er…better than nothing to do at home. Well, actually I was thinking of mowing my lawn this morning but the bushcutter didn’t want to work.

Anyways, we cycled around the city center and really, it does almost look different from the bike. For example, the architecture behind the old buildings in Jalan Padungan has changed somewhat with an open modern deco. I’m not an architect so I don’t know the terms for it. But I’m almost sure if I were to drive by it, I wouldn’t notice the change. I’ll probably run over the neighborhood’s cat in the process.

At around 1.30pm — and after I fell off my bike! — Uwen and I went to the Kuching Ampitheater (Panggung Udara) by the Sarawak Club. There’s a 2-day gig at the amphitheater and today was its conclusion with 17 bands strutting their stuffs. I was also informed the occasion was to raise fund for the Gaza thing but strangely, we were not charged to attend. You were in school once, you figure out the maths.

There weren’t many people attending today’s gig. I liked the whole setting in the park but the amphitheater structure itself is kind of visually annoying. I can’t understand why would people choose to build an athenic or Roman pillars in Kuching. It gives me the impression that I’m supposed to feel like I’m sitting in the Flavian Amphitheater watching lions mauling a helpless man.

The gig was okay. There were some relatively good bands performing their pieces, which give us a kind of hope that Kuching does have a decent flavor in its music scene. If only I had some beers in my hand, it would have been almost perfect…

…until the cloud turned dark grey. After the fourth band performed and drops of rain began to intensify, we decided it would be best to go. So, we picked up our bikes and left the amphitheater. I don’t know if the gig continued in the rain. And I’m not too sure how much they’ve collected for the Gaza cause.

Ask and it shall be done.

My friend, Ark, called me on Thursday morning: “Hey, your babiQ set is siap already! When are you picking it up?” I told him “I’m coming over now!” So, I left the opis without telling the slavemaster and drove to Ark’s workshop. And there is was, the beautiful thing.

By Friday evening, the new set was more than ready to execute its sacred task. Two bottles of langkau were bought from the nearby kebun koko, two kilos of pig was sacrificed as required by the babiQ deity, and a bottle of Label 5 to top up our alcoholic needs, courtesy of Charlie Charles.

By the night’s end, a few hours after midnight, when all wore smiles of contentment, the final rite of retribution befell upon the one with a Machiavellian heart. The result was the purging of the bowel’s content.

Very nice…

I had two bottles of Guinness and several cans of Stella at a local kopi shop. I expected it to make me go to sleep by the time I got home but I’m still wide awake. That was around…hhm…10pm? Memory got a bit chin phin on that part.

Anyways, I got home, wide awake as if the alcohol just got sponged somewhere inside my body, failing to reach my brain (if any). So, I decided to read a bit. Not the usual novel – I’m still with “..Cholera”, yes, amazing kan? – but a book that would have bored me to sleep at this time of the night: Mauss’ “The Gift”. Instead, I got addicted to it and managed to scheme through 20-odd pages, a feat that I couldn’t achieve on normal hours. Damn.

Oh well, like I said, ’tis a random note. At 0106hrs. I can’t write anymore. The battery on my laptop is about to die off soon. It could only last for 25-30 minutes these days. What do you expect from a 5-year old?

Oh, yes. Discursive thought. Gotta go.

I know this is old news but I still can’t get over the UEFA Cup exit. It’s not so much of the exit itself that bothers me but the players’ and coach’s commitment to this prestigious club. Do they really want to win at least one trophy this season? At least one, damnit!

After leading 2-0 on a comfortable 3-1 aggregate, Milan was almost certain to kick Werder Bremen’s arse out of tournament. Until, that is, they decided to stop playing football and fondled each other’s balls instead. Bremen took the opportunity to pounce on Milan’s ball playing and clawed back into the game by scoring two goals. Final score: 2-2 on a 3-3 aggregate. Bremen won on the away-goal rules. Milan got their arse kicked. Sounds familiar?

more spew…