langkau fiction

Just in case you’re wondering the title of this entry, it basically means “My new place” in Solomon Pijin, one of those languages I learned many, many years ago. There are times when I even think in that language, which can be scary because I’d feel lost in this world of verbal expression and…oh, damn, I digress…

As of yesterday, I’ve finally moved the last of the essential things into my new house! It wasn’t as difficult as I had thought months ago where I kept on living in two spaces: the old apartment or the new house. It’s probably because I found it hard to let go of a place where I lived for three years. The idea of renting it out in the near future is daunting for some unexplainable reasons. But after finally moving the big stuffs i.e. furniture, beds, bookshelf and er…that’s all, the new house feels a little bit like home.

My cousin, Bertran was supposed to lend me a hand in carrying the stuffs out of my apartment but I was informed by him several hours after the moving of stuffs had completed that he was drinking the night before and was not in the condition to do some heavy work. Fortunately, on the same morning that Bertran was supposed to help me, I received a surprise call from my two friends in Sadir. They asked “Hey, do you want us to help you to move your stuffs? We’re already near your apartment!” and of course, I said yes. God must have appeared in their dreams last night and told them to help me out because I am not sure how they know about me moving out my stuffs. As soon as they arrived — they looked like they’ve been drinking lots of langkau the night before in their kampung – we unpacked my apartment and loaded it into the waiting lorry. The lorry is owned by the owner of the coffee shop that I’ve frequent for the past 10 years, and the taukey was more than agreeable to help me transporting the stuffs. He said “That’s because I’m curious to know your habitat…”

Within two hours, every essential stuffs that would ensure a person’s comfort, even in a bujang mode, were safely placed in its new abode. I was happy and my two Sadir friends asked me if “that’s it”, and I told them yeah, I can pick up the rest later. So, one of them decided to open his bag and out came a bottle of langkau, and he said “If that’s the case, then we drink this”, which was extremely fine with me. We started the langkau thing and by the fourth shot, I’ve got the smiling effect.

One of them informed me, after observing every corner of the house and with all seriousness in his facial expression, that I should find a time — one I’m settled, of course — to invite a priest of some sort to bless the house. Immediately after that sentence, he sipped his langkau and took a long puff of his Rave ciggy before saying “I know a priest from our village who could perform the blessing. We’ll invite him and then after that we can kill a pig and…”. Before he could finished the sentence, the other friend interrupted “…yeah, and I can invite our friends from the kampung! The last time we had a blessing of a new house in Kuching, we had so much langkau! It was fun!!” I asked them if this occasion refers to an actual ’spiritual blessing of the house’ or is it just an excuse to get drunk? And would that kind of “blessing” shoo away the spirits — malevolent or otherwise — from my new house? They looked at me in disbelief, shook their heads and said “You’ve been away from church a long time, my friend”, and he gulped another shot of langkau.

So, today I spent the whole day cleaning up the house and trying to arrange the furniture. I must say it’s quite a laborious task to do all that on your own. At the end of the day, I only managed to arrange my sofa into a ‘temporary position’ and decided to finish off the langkau that was left over from yesterday’s after-the-moving-of-stuffs drinking session. For now, it’s all alright. ‘Tis good.

p.s. – But I’ve to drive to my old apartment tomorrow morning because my TV is still there and I need to watch AC Milan play Atalanta Bergamo at 6am!

My mind has been occupied with the new pups. They’re just crazy. And bestial too. I told a friend that I can’t remember having a puppy as naughty as these two monsters when I was a kid, and she told me that’s because I’d probably out-naughtied them then. Ok, thanks, whatever y’know…back to these new pups. By now, I do not have a wristwatch because both gremlins tore it apart while I was in the shower. Oh, sorry, they didn’t tear it apart, they chewed and ate the rubber straps!

What was once a wristwatch

My favorite sandals were not spared either. When I asked my friend if it’s normal for these pups to chomp through everything within their mouths’ reach, I was casually told that I should keep all valuable belongings away from them. They’re at that age where everything is deemed as food. Everything. Alright, now you tell me. As I write this, the sandals should now be beyond recognition. I don’t even know what happened to the other sandal now.

The only time when the pups are at ‘ease’ is when they’re eating. I got tired to cooking them chicken throats, chicken butts and chicken feet all the time. So, I got them some dry dog food a couple of days ago and initially, they found it strange chewing those little but tough food. For me, it’s good because it took them about two minutes before finishing a bowl of dry food.

While eating…

After meal, they fight…*sigh*

Oh, yes, the pups now have names bestowed upon them last weekend. I realize I can’t continue calling them by whistling different tunes to different pups, yeah, so names would be appropriate. I told Tiung that he must choose a name for his pup under my care, so that by the time he comes to collect his pup it would hypothetically respond to a proper name. I told him I would prefer to give my pup a name in the Lun Dayeh language, and therefore named mine Kuir Ngil Tudchu (Clouded Leopard That Licks Salt). He said it’s a great idea and after much deliberation with his demented thoughts, he decided to christen his pup Teluh Ilung Terur (Three Balls). Gosh, so typical. Why am I not surprised but yeah, Three Balls it is then. But I can assure you I will never call the pup by that name in public. Whistling would do for now.

For the first time in this whole wide world I am ONLINE! AT HOME! Yeah, yeah, yeah…whatever, y’know. There’s this small tiny device which costs me a fuckin’ bomb but it allows me to be literally ‘wireless’ everywhere I go…well, at least most part of wherever I go, which includes the ‘interior’…it may not mean much to most of you geeks hi-tech people but I’ve got it! Even He-Man master of the universe would be delighted with my achievement! I am happy…for now, but yes, I h.a.v.e it! And now, my dear readers, it’s 0335hrs. Time to sleep.

I picked up two pups from Joe’s house this afternoon. Since Joe was not at home, I had to carry the two little beasts out of the house over the gate. The neighbors watched my burglar-like activities but none of them shouted “Thief! Thief!” even if I had shoved the pups into my car. When I left, they just stared at me. What a wonderful neighborhood…

One of the mongrel pups belongs to Joe’s brother, my demented friend. I don’t know why he kept it at Joe’s place. He carefully told me that he wanted the one with the black-and-white spots, a creature that resembled a little chubby Dalmatianwannabe. He then strictly instructed me to get the plain-looking black mongrel. And of course, it was the skinniest of the two. But since Joe was not at home, I told Demented that I’m taking his back with me too so he could pick it up from me one of these days.

While driving the mongrels to my place, the Dalmatianwannabe was the most active. ‘My’ mongrel did nothing but started to eat the newspapers on the floor. I wondered if the previous owner has been feeding it with newspapers? When the Dalmatianwannabe saw its sister eating the newspaper, it barked at the black mongrel and they started to fight on the passenger seat, complete with barking, screeching, biting and all! Damn. Are these dogs or what? I remembered I had specifically told Demented I wanted a puppy, not Gremlins! Then, the two juveniles smelled the soup of chicken neck at the back of my car. Like some unidentified mutant dogs, they plunged toward the invisible smell abstractly located at the back seat. Fortunately (for me), the chicken neck soup was tightly shut in a plastic container. For the next 15 minutes on our way to my place and the pup’s new abode, all I could hear at the back were them barking, growling at each other, lots of whining, then barking, growling, biting and y’know, things that dogs do when they fight for something.

When I arrived home, I quickly took them out of my car and opened up that container filled with lots of chicken neck soup. The pups quickly attacked the soup, while the other still had remnants of the newspaper it ate (not chewed!) in its mouth. Within 15 seconds, the chicken neck soup was gone! It followed me all around the house like a mad hound, sniffing for food. I gave it my toe and it bit. I gave it my hand and it bit. It bit everything that I gave to it. I thought to myself, “These are not dogs, definitely!”

My torn pants…

I was thinking what to do with the pups while they were furiously tearing off my pants, and decided to get out of the house to get some more food. I went to the nearby coffee shop and tapau two kolo mee to take home. The pups were hopping for — what I perceived as — joy when they saw me outside the gate, and as soon as I entered my house compound it started to tear into my feet and pants. Gosh! Did they feed the pups human too? I gave one kolo mee each to the pups and both were gone in seconds! I poured milk into their container and it was also gone. I looked at my nasi campur (rice, fried fish, kicap pork, BBQ-ed chicken, kangkong garlic) that I tapau earlier and decided to give it to the pups. The white Styrofoam container that contained my nasi campur was completely cleaned in less than a minute! Only after that they looked like they’ve had enough, decided to leave me alone and start playing with each other.

The only great thing that came out of this unnatural phenomena is that the pups are not choosy about what its food. This is great! I am not fond of those super breed yuppie dogs (or what do you call them?) that would insist to be fed only with Pedigree products. When I told the ever-wise Demented about the pups’ unpuppy-like behavior, he advised me that I should try feeding them stones and see if they would go for it. “That’s crazy” I told him. The young pups should at least be given the chance to start with grass, then we’d see where to go from there…just kiddin’, of course! They’re nice pups. They should get a bath though…

It’s been a hectic and exhausting past 12 days of fieldwork. I got back on Tuesday evening after a six-hour drive from the Roban area. Normally, the drive back to Kuching would take around four hours but I was so worn out that I had to stop by the roadside at least four times to take a nap. Today is the second day I’m back and I’m still feeling lethargic. Gosh. Last night, I even had a vivid dream of tornadoes sweeping through Kuching! Tornadoes! In Kuching! How crazy is that? In one part of my dream, a policeman was riding his motorbike alongside one of the tornadoes and was insanely shooting at the tornado as if it was Godzilla or that monster ape Mighty Joe Young! What weirdness, y’know.