langkau fiction

All these election talks around me are slowly seeping into my system. I really do not like this kind of feeling. There are many things that we live for everyday and suddenly, the intense feelings of fear, angst, uncertainty, paranoia, frustration, anticipation, elation, and maybe hope dominate our lives in the coming weeks. The most shitty part it all is that it’s all carefully crafted into our being. No, sorry, that’s not the most shitty part of it. The most shitty part of it is this intensity is felt every five years…or so. Then, after it’s all over, after the litter of posters, banners are dismantled, and people resume their ‘normal’ lives, the ones on the so-called ‘losing’ side will start moaning for another five years, and the ones on the ‘winning’ side will smile and sit their fat asses, farting away their promises.

And I’m not only referring to Malaysia’s coming general election. I’m referring to most election processes in countries that practices ‘democracy’ (of some sort). I do not have anything against those who believe in their politicians, political parties and heck, the principles they take along with them. It’s fine by me and I believe that they’re responsible citizens through and through unlike me. What I feel crap about is how the campaigns are done all over, the bashing of the other, the sly tactics applied, the smiles posed on the media, etc. It’s almost akin to religious warfare or ethnic violence…oh, speaking of ‘religious warfare’, for instance, there is this article about linking Barack Obama with being a Muslim. Somehow, this is one of the tactics (of whose, I don’t know and I don’t care) to scare the voters. But what the fuck is wrong with him being a Muslim (even though he’s been denying it)? This Islamphobia thing really bewilders me, and the way it is handled at times pisses me off. Our political system also possesses this kind of paranoia. But if one has the political talent to run the county well, then why the hell does one’s spiritual belief matter? Do you think Jesus, Muhammad or Lord Krishna belong to any of those parties we’ve created for ourselves? This was what I meant by crafting such feelings into our being.

I read another article last month that said the U.S. presidential election must be the most undemocratic in the world because while more than 120 millions Americans vote, the consequences will be felt by more than six billion people around the world. How strange. I never thought of it that way.

p.s: I’m disabling comments for this post because I know when it comes to politics, most of you out there are much, much more knowledgeable than me. I may be ignorant of what’s happening but hey, I’m entitled to my own ignorance. For this post, I just want to blurt out my stupidity without discussing it. Thanks. :-)

p.p.s: Ok la, ok la…you can shoot me la…

After I accidentally discovered my brain at the last minute last weekend, I managed to execute my work fairly well…before the deadline some more! Then, it went downhill from there. Yesterday, the One Who Holds The Whip called me at the office to ask if my article was done. “What article?” and believe me, I was not feigning symptoms of amnesia. “The one that’s due next Wednesday”, he reminded me. The imaginary tiny hand cursor clicked my memory and I casually told him “Ooooh, that one is due in March lah, boss…” and before I went further to explain my progress he interrupted “But next week IS March! March 5th is NEXT Wednesday!” Huh? It’s March already? What the fuck?! What happened to February?! Heck, what ever happened to January?! Did someone steal the dates somewhere?

——–

I’ve been staying at my new house since the weekend. It’s good, I liked it. I guess it’s ok because there’s no ju-on or some shit spirit kid lurking around in the house. Of course, it’s still empty because most of my stuffs are still in my old apartment. I just managed to move some of the small things that could fit into my truck. The rest would have to wait till…er…till next time.

I’m stuck in my office on a nice, sunny Saturday trying to get one particular work done for tomorrow. It’s not done and I’ve been sitting here staring at my computer screen since this morning. Zilch! Nothing in my brain, so nothing is going to pop out in the form of text. It’s not even sending any message to my fingers to do the typing. Nothing. In fact, I can hear myself screaming in confusion at the back of my brain. Oh, is that my brain? I have a brain? Whoa!

The general erection election is coming soon and naturally, everyone’s talking about it. At work, my colleagues discuss every possible topic relating to the election including coming up with lame jokes about the politicians, their parties or politics in general. I, for one, do not give a hoot about this thing. Seriously. I don’t even know how to talk about those things you all talk about when it comes to this election thing. Friends would ask me “What do you think about the election?” or “Would YB so-and-so win this time around?”…

..and I’d say I vote for Pak Smeagol. There you go. “I loves erection election, yesss? Yesss, my precious, we loves it…”

Now I understand why they paid me short of RM1,460 last week. No, the lady with the crumpled face did not explain to me. Her boss did. Apparently, I applied for an advance a week before I went traveling and I was supposed to account for it by Feb 10, a date that completely slipped my mind. Since Feb 10 was a Sunday, I only got around to work on the thing the next day, going through the receipts and odd pieces of papers that accounted for the cash advance. By the time I submitted the thing, it was too late. They had deducted it from my traveling claims..

I got out of bed early this morning after last night’s struggle with my dream demons. I won, of course. Before going through the normal procedure of conducting my daily cleansing rites in the bathroom, I instinctively went to the kitchen to check on update my rations. The top kitchen cabinet has three cans of sardine that I bought when I first moved into my apartment three years ago, although the expiry date at the bottom of the cans is now covered with the rust. The cabinet below has four plastic bags of rice, which I’ve not touched for several months. Then, my fridge: there was a two-day old broccoli and cauliflower, three chicken eggs, a piece of Norwegian chocolate, two soon-to-be-rotten mandarins, one container filled with fermented fish, and eight cans of Tiger. Then, I took out the latest ATM transaction slip from my malnourished wallet and the balance stated “RM34.80″ (I don’t think even the ah long would approve my loan application if they saw that amount of cents in my bank account). I glanced at the supplies and thought “Alright, I think all these should last me until my payday next week!” Then, out of the blue an imaginary lightning struck my memory: the ‘E’ indicator on my car’s fuel gauge, what am I going to do about it? Damn. Surely I would have to reorganize my financial strategies? So, I summoned all my intellectual faculties and carefully, asked myself “If Chuck Norris was in my situation, what would he do?” hhm…On my way to work this morning, I withdrew the last RM30 from my depleting bank account and filled my truck with RM10 worth of diesel. This would last for two days and after that, I have no idea what will the truck run on. Tiger beers?

When I entered my office, all of a sudden I remembered about the RM40 cheque I received last week. I scavenged through the rubbish basket in my office and among the disposed papers, I found the cheque that got me confused and upset last week! But in this time of poverty, I planned to cash the cheque immediately. Before that, however, I decided to check my email first. “You have 3 new messages!” The first two messages were basically asking me if I wished to enlarge my penis. The third one was from my workplace. I clicked on the message and then, lo and behold! the angel of gracious Jah sent me an email that said “Please collect your cheque from the Finance Department”. For a few seconds, I thought this to be a sick joke, it’s like fate mocking my financial predicament. Also, I couldn’t remember if I had made other traveling claims recently apart from last week’s “RM40 Cheque Incident”. Without much delay — and before my dream demons decide to avenge their defeat in real life — I went to the Finance Department where all the evil trolls manage our finance to collect the cheque. The lady with the crumpled face wasn’t there but her colleague was there to hand me the cheque.

As soon as I received the envelope with the cheque inside, I quickly tore the sides of the envelope like a maniacal five-year old ripping through the Christmas present that was personally delivered by Santa himself. Since I did not why I have another cheque in my hand, I did not know how much I should expect to receive. When I looked closely at the figures on the cheque, it says “RM723.00″. Seven hundred and bloody twenty three Ringgit Malaysia. Shit! This must be some sort of a joke, really. No? I wanted to grin like a sick hyena but my mind became numb with uncoded emotions. I quickly ran to the bank and deposited the two cheques, one was the stupid cheque and the other was this unexpected one.

Well, this calls for beers a celebration that may or may not necessarily involve the consumption of alcohol!